if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need a beard to bite.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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