im about as happy as oj after his trial
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
