Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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