oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
