Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
