Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
