Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
