I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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