you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
