overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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