I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
