You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
