just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
