I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
