Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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