its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
