see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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