I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
