I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
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My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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