time to smoke my breakfast
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize