So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
