He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
