He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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