For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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