After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
