sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
