I just threw up on my dentist
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
