Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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