Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
