I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You have to summon your inner elephant
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
