Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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