# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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