I'm eating all of the evidence.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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