I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
