Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
