I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
