in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
