Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
