When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
