I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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