Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
