this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize