i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
