fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky