Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.