before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
