I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.