Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.