I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
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stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.