okay pat passed out under dana's car
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
