Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
