swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
