I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
