I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
