Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
