my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize