This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
