I puked a lego.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
