That's when you crack a 10am beer
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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