ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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