fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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