I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
