Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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