Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
