his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Everyone says I win the strip club
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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