id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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