i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Girls should come with a carfax report
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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