Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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